so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
