I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
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