i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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