DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
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