am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
