Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
