She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
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