ya dads aren't the best wingmen
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
