Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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