im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize