Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
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