You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
