I have demons in me.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Just spent the last three hours in the library successfully refreshing facebook
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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