Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
