Banned from zoo.
Again?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
Randomize
