U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
