Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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