His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
