no, he came in my armpit
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Randomize
