Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
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