I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
We had sex on a dog bed..
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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