is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
