So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize