How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
