Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
