I CAN MOONWALK!
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Mom said you looked used
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
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