I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
