Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Oh and itβs been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! ππππ¬π³π
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize