well thats why i like him. because he makes you happy. on the other hand i think he masturbates too much while texting you.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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