he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
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