He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Randomize
