the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
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