i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
