i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize