...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
