I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
They have beer where we have blood.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Randomize
