gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize
