I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
