She is in my trunk
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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