I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
Randomize
