I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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