I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
