My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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