haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
Apparently married women at the office don't like getting congratulated on getting "knocked up"
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
No we didn't fuck. He picked me up I asked where we were going and he said "I don't know if you've ever heard of a little place called Denny's?" He was completely serious. I told him to stop the car and I got out and called Jack.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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