he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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