Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
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