this is something i pride myself on being below average for
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
