I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
