I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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