Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Randomize
