How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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