Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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