Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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