On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize