please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize