dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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