HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
