No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
