There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
