i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she peed on how many people?
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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