Your face is a jimmy john
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I'm too high and old for this...
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
