who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
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