I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
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