I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize