how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
