I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I'm really busy with my period
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