Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
