Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Randomize
