come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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