All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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